East Lothian Nocturne 12 Nov 08

[Marco]

This is it – the real McChoy. None of this Tuesday night pish. Its just wrong, if God wanted us to ride bikes on a Tuesday night in winter he wouldn’t have created Le Patron to found the WNRW. I foresee a split in ERC of Reformation proportions, Sunni vs Shi’ite, Liverpool –v- Everton, Corrie –v- Brookside, People’s Front of Judea –v- Judean Popular Front (c.f. Life of Brian) if the one true Wednesday Night Ride is sullied by heretical backsliders kow-towing to the false gods of a Tuesday – get thee behind me Angus (no change there then …. ). I do believe that “Outraged” of Joppa is to lodge a motion at the forthcoming AGM to call for a ban on such deviant practices.

23 WNRW (record attendance so far for season 08-09) gathered at the bogs in Eastern Joppastan for the Return of the Prodigal Sun – yes the Prince of the Pyrenees Mr Andy Broon himself finally graced us with his presence, complete with Berghaus rucksack no less. His too-casual “Its just work stuff” bluff was called when the contents were revealed to include Dyson and Electrolux hoover brochures, a DVD of the complete Kim & Aggie “How Clean is Your House” first series and what looked like the outcome of a smash’n’grab at Remnant Kings with enough swatches of material to make a second coat for Joseph (of technicolour fame).

Le Patron chose another hilly 50 miles for us tonight. Can’t understand all this recent fascination with hill training (Ed. note - see http://www.edinburghrc.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=10569.0)

The fairly civil start, punctuated only by uncontested sprint primes for Messrs, Finlati, Roosselli & Brunokourov, was rudely interrupted when we headed up Garleton Hill. Stollers’ insistence that he was “tete de la course” was rudely ignored as the BIG UNITS swamped him and scampered up the climb at Tuesday night “brisk” pace, ignoring the usual left & going on for a second climb towards the wee yak.

We regrouped at what looked like a lorry park for a breather and to answer the call of nature. This prompted the resident of the nearby house to rush out & investigate all the flashing lights – obviously thought it was a UFO or something, good job he was in his land rover to cover the 200 m from his door to where the bunch were located or he might have recorded a new Max HR.

On the descent into Haddington I took advantage of the relative lack of interest in the 30 to sneak round on the inside and secure the prime points. Some jealous types were complaining but too bad – nobody remembers who came second.

On towards historic Lennoxlove House (available for weddings – recommended by the Big G no less – Lennoxlove that is, and weddings too come to that or at least 2nd ones, which is good news for some of us at any rate) and then a little-used left turn for the ascent of the Galibier of East Lothian complete with several hundred meters of cyclo-cross over some well-dodgy surfaces. Despite some false calls of “puncture” (I think Sumo was just looking for a rest), amazingly the night was puncture-free.

Prize for newbie of the night goes to the Big Zee, Monsieur Zoosh Alors, for a spectacular attack and equally spectacular grinding to a halt shortly thereafter on the way up. The climb was long and pretty steep in places but plenty of people took it in their stride, not least the “Morningside Falcon”, Andre Le Bruin, the old magic still there despite all that overtime at work and Sunday outings to I*** (sorry I can’t bear to name it).

We then descended into Gifford- fast dark and a bit grubby, and that’s the road surface not the locals. I dunno who got the sprint as I was “hangin” wid Puff Daddy Dave Mojo Moran at the back chillin and talking, shi’ y‘know?

With such a large crowd of newbies it was unanimously agreed between Sumo & Le Patron that they would be given the Full Dale Winton experience, a sneaky 30 round the corner into Pencaitland for The Man & a noisy fast traverse of the Dale Winton estate complete with speed bumps and every road surface known to East Lothian (except tarmac) before a somewhat steady approach to the terrors of the Tranentular townies. There must have been footie on the telly or some other chavtastic entertainment as the lads & lasses weren’t out in force but nevertherless those that were there did us proud with the usual grunting squealing and yelling.

The usual fast descent towards Wallyford but surprisingly no final K attack from Tom der Wobbelmeister who was too far down the string, but Eric Easton (Team Cracker Barrel) tried his luck but to no avail. The gruppo going around Ma Formans was surprisingly and somewhat scarily large and I confess to sitting up and just enjoying the sight of 15 or so riders going full tilt for the sprint which was an awesome spectacle. Equipe Velo Ecosse took the honours with the top 2 spots going to Lewis Oliphant and Ben Abrahams, and it was the big man again, Andy Slim Shady Sim who salvaged ERC honour with 3rd place. Team orders will be issued and lead out practice will henceforth take place on Tuesday nights (waddayamean there’s another ride? No there isn’t) to ensure no repetition.

Great to see Matt the Smithsonian riding into town having missed the turn for the Haddies toun. Turns out he was staying with his mother in law. I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating my mother in law up.  As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?"  I replied, "No.  Six of them is enough".
[submit your favourite mother in law joke here]

[Zoosh]

Inspired by the amount of facial hair on show last night, I've penned a tune in hommage to "Le Barbe"

Eric, can you handle this
Marco, can you handle this
Le Patron, can you handle
I don't think you can handle this
wooooo...

Make a move, Feelin right, lookin sexy, lookin fine
Baddest chick, chick inside, DJ jammin' night
inspite of me, attendin' this, there you are,
come on baby, don't you wanna, dance with me
can you handle, handle me
you gotta do whats betta if you gunna dance wit' me tonight, you gotta work your jelly if you gunna dance with me tonight read my lips carefully if you like what you see,
if you move to the groove you can hang with me
by the looks i got you shook up and scared of me
although you sit there til time of take off

Chorus:
I don't think you ready for this journey
i don't think you ready for this journey
I don't think you ready for this
Is my body to Beardilicious for ya baby
I don't think you ready for this journey
i don't think you ready for this journey
I don't think you ready for this
Is my body too Beardilicious for ya babe

[Marco]

wot?

try this instead - classic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_qHP7VaZE

[Zoosh]

The lawyer cabled his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?"

Back came the reply, "Take no chances -- order all three."